wayoutwest.tv

We won’t judge it by its size
by Ryan Porter
photograph by Stephan Gregoire

Mark Kenneth Woods’ mission: To edit the third installment of his sassy series, Pimp and Ho. Tracking the crime fighters Honey Ho and Johnny Pimp, the program debuted on the mingle-mangle of B.C. films, www.wayoutwest.tv.

Now airing on PrideVision, Woods needs to finish the third feature, Pimp and Ho: Queer Fashion Crime Models, within two days before sending the work to Germany, where it will play at Verzaubert, the country’s largest gay and lesbian film festival. While Woods has flamed through a poke at the blaxploitation and spy genres, does he have enough gay pride left to finish the final scenes of the new gangster themed episode?

Unwilling to jeopardize international relations with the severely buff Germans, fab decided to help Woods with his editing and inspire him with some songs. Summoning him to the fab labs, we handed him the gayest new MP3 gadgetry, the Panasonic E-Wear SK Audio Player. We stocked it with powerful, top-secret homo files like Britney, Enrique, Anastacia and Kylie, 17 in total fitting on the postage stamp-sized disk. While the player itself is itty-bitty (it’s almost the size of a sports watch), Woods is charitable. "We won’t judge it by its size," he demures. "It’s all about performance."

Skipping through the tracks, Woods approves of the sound quality. But some of the functions are a little tricky to navigate. "I can edit a TV show on my computer, but I can’t figure this out," he says. The player offers an equalizer function to flip between two degrees of bass and the cryptic "train" mode, which the instruction manual says "eliminates sounds that others may find annoying." Woods declares our "train" is broken. "I still hear Britney," he moans.

Woods thinks the pint-sized player would be the perfect undercover accessory, as it’s easily smuggle-able in your pants pocket. He’d like to see this technology fall into the right hands - those certain gym bunnies, who he’s noticed stumbling into a common fashion faux pas on the treadmill. "Some people have walkmans and Discmans, but they have fanny packs to put them in. Fanny packs? Ecchhh! I don’t know. They might’ve made a comeback in Europe, but I don’t think they’re hitting North American markets anytime soon."

Way Out West TV airs Sundays at 6pm and replays Thursdays at 7:30pm on PrideVision. The second installment on Pimp and Ho: License to Queer, debuts Oct. 13th. The Panasonic E-Wear Audio Player retails for $329.95.

Pimp and Ho’s Mark Kenneth Woods tests the Panasonic E-Wear SD Audio Player.